how a woman feels loved

Relationships

How a woman feels loved

Part II Section 1

rock water

Relationships

Part I. Introduction

Section 1: The Best Mirror

Section 2: Men and women are different - an overview

Part II. How do we feel loved

Section 1; How does a woman feel loved

Section 2: How does a man feel loved

At the heart of it, a woman wants to know that she can trust you to provide a secure, supportive and possibly interesting future; that you have the depth to stand by her, no matter her moods and shortcomings. She needs to know you are strong enough to be faithful and never stray, come what may.

If she is a spiritual woman, she also wants to know that you are in touch with your higher, optimistic self. She seeks your wisdom to stay steady in difficult times, and to help her when she is insecure.

Many women had fathers who did not come through for them, so although being in love feels good, it can also be very frightening. When a man is sensitive to her, offering the right mix of strength and security, she feels safe enough to trust him. We'll assume as a man, you meet the basics for trust - you can handle her moods, you stand on your own feet, hopefully financially and emotionally, and you are absolutely faithful. We'll focus on two areas of support: Emotional Support, and small acts of kindness.

Emotional Support

A woman feels emotionally supported when you listen. It has been shown that men speak 2000 words a day, women, 7000. While men principally talk to relay facts, make a point, or achieve a goal, women speak for all of these reasons as well as for many other reasons such as to relieve stress, create intimacy, and form a bond.

pup Unfortunately when a man tries to listen, often he either tries to solve her problems or he feels blamed. A woman was telling her husband about a friend. Her husband's response was: “Have I done something wrong?” She had to laugh at the impossibility of his question – he hardly even knew the woman involved. As a man, instead of thinking of your reactions, you can focus on listening. Yogi Bhajan once explained to a group of men, "communicate to others that you have the capacity to hear them." (pt 7, p1)

Joe was a fine detail carpenter and a man of few words. Kathy, his wife of 20 years used to get angry all the time about their lack of communication. In couples therapy, she realized that if he didn't feel blamed, he enjoyed listening to her. In fact, once she started to tell him how much she appreciated his attention, he himself sought out conversation.

One thing Joe didn’t understand though, was why she had to bring up the same issues over and over again. He thought they had settled certain questions the last time they talked. A woman does need to go over the same issues many times (even monthly), but all she needs is that you listen. Maybe there will be some small changes you can make that will relieve the tension. Over much time, with the support of a loving relationship, she can conquer her demons and the issues can change.

Expressions of emotional support

Treat her like you did when you first met her

Hug her

Display affection

Ask specific questions about the day

Take her side when she is upset with someone

Make eye contact when listening

Validate her feelings

Practice listening and asking questions

Offer to help if you see she is tired

If she is hurt let her know you are sorry for her pain

If you need to withdraw tell her you’ll be back

When you offer your support as a compassionate listener, you will have peace in your home; your tenderness will open her heart.

Small acts of kindness

A woman also feels loved when you help her with many small acts of kindness.

It’s the dance of love made practical.

Although it’s hard for a man to understand, flowers, little gifts and small acts of helping with the dishes, with the children and with clean up mean a great deal to a woman. These things may feel truly insignificant to man, but to a woman they are very important.

red flower You will find women asking that life be mutually decided -- chores, money, roles and responsibilities respectfully thought through together. Most women do end up doing more of the household chores, even if they both work, but a wise man will offer to help. And a wise woman will be appreciative of each act of support.

I heard a man say to his wife “OH! I love you so much! I tell you all the time, I pay all the bills and have some nice savings too -- isn’t this enough!” And she said “NO! Its nice, but please do the lawn, & wash some dishes!” Small acts of kindness are still important.

Jim pays for everything for his family. In his mind, this is very worthwhile, so, to be fair, he happily sits back and waits for his wife, Julie, to show him how much she appreciates him. On the other hand for Julie, little things are still very important and the one doesn’t make up for the other. So Julie, says: ”Thank you – you are wonderful, but you still have to take out the garbage!” Jim is stunned! He thinks he has done so much, the garbage is insignificant. But it’s not to his wife. A woman feels loved through the consistent doing of small acts of kindness.

One thing men don't understand about women is that often, when a woman is overloaded by chores – she won't say anything. She just goes on giving until she bursts with anger. Unfortunately, she is waiting for him to offer help (as she would do) and he is waiting to be asked (he assumes she is fine and he is not needed unless she asks). To avoid this, women can remember to ask, and men can remember to help.

Here is a small list of things you might do to express

day-to-day support:

Treat her like you did when you first met her

Hug her	Bring flowers as a surprise	If you are going to be late, call
Offer a massage	Wash her car	Plan a date
Offer to help if she is tired	Help with the children	Create dress-up occasions
Compliment her	Cook a meal	Clean something

A woman feels loved by these small acts of kindness,
and she will love you in return.

Some of the ideas in this article are well documented in the book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Yogi Bhajan's ideas are also interwoven into the discussion. He has several books to choose from which can be ordered from Ancient Healing Ways at www.a-healing.com.

When a woman becomes Monster Mom

Sometimes a woman can be very sweet when she needs help. But sometimes, she can also be very insensitive to you, she can be controlling, negative, irrelevant, scattered, insecure and suffocating! In short, she can become Monster Mom. When your beautiful wife is controlled by her hidden little girl (who is very much in need of love) she can be very difficult to love!

A woman wants to know that you are sensitive, so let her know that you love her, listen for a while, and give her some space to get over her emotions. Her mood will pass -- she will be her loving self again.

You can tell her how awful it felt when she was angry, and be firm with her that she should not take her bad moods out on you. The truth is, you probably both get angry, though perhaps in different ways. Each person needs to be responsible for their emotions, but if you don't hold a grudge, life can be very sweet. Forgiveness is a key ingredient in a happy marriage.

Addressing a group of men, Yogi Bhajan explained

"The inborn attitude of a man is to conquer, It is in his

spermatozoa. But you forget the most beautiful aspect

of it....Does the sperm control the egg? No. Does the

egg control the sperm? No. They merge." (pt6,p14,43)

A woman can feel loved in many ways. Here we have discussed two methods - small acts of kindness and emotional support. Your sensitivity to her, will bring you peace and love in your life.